If he won’t respect NO, it’s time to GO

At what point in a date is it OK to leave if someone displays Red Light Behaviour?  The answer is at any time. If you feel bad about the way a man behaves then you should leave.

It’s absolutely fine not to trust somebody the moment you meet them. Remember that you’re meeting a complete stranger. You know nothing about him, other than what he has told you. Of course he’s trying to impress you but it’s highly unlikely that he is Brad Pitt’s stunt double, given that he is 5’3” and built like a brick out-house. I’m not suggesting you scream “LIAR” every time he opens his mouth, but a little healthy scepticism (kept to yourself) isn’t a bad thing.

I’m probably the last person who should be dishing out this advice. At times I’ve been far too tolerant of unacceptable behaviour. I blame my mother’s insistence on politeness at all times!

When I started dating I’d just come out of a 25 year marriage, and the last time I’d been out with someone I was a mere slip of a girl! I was a bit naïve to be honest, not a terrible trait, but one that has put me into some difficult situations. I’d love to say that all people are decent and nine times out of ten they are. Sadly though, there are people who will take advantage of your good nature and the internet makes it easier for them.

Roy and I had been talking on the phone for several weeks. He was Hungarian,  lived in London, and seemed interesting, well-mannered and distinguished on the phone. He suggested we go out for the day, take in a few galleries, have lunch and dinner, his treat. It seemed a little full on but I agreed and felt flattered that someone was lavishing attention on me.

I took the train and he met me at the station in London. He was so unlike his photograph that I didn’t recognise him but wondered why there was a small, slightly demented looking man waving at me and grinning like a Cheshire cat. He wore glasses with lenses that resembled milk bottle bottoms and had a mop of hair which was clearly dyed, far from the debonaire, sophisticate I’d envisaged. As I came through the barrier he grabbed hold of me in a bear hug which nearly knocked me over. As I regained my balance he attempted a  full-on tonsel tickler of a kiss but I managed to head him off by slipping under his armpit.

He took hold of my hand and didn’t let go for the rest of the morning. We visited a gallery but he didn’t seem particularly interested in the art and tried to kiss me again in the lift. Over coffee I told him that I’d need to get to know him a bit better before I kissed him (we’d been together for about an hour) but as we left the café he put his hand on my bum.

He took my NO to mean YES and I spent the rest of the morning trying to keep his hands in check. Not since teenage fumbles behind the bike sheds have I known a man to have hands in so many places!  It was like having a date with Squiddly Diddly!

By now I was feeling really uncomfortable but it never occurred to me to leave. Maybe I felt that I owed him in some way, because he was “treating” me. Perhaps I’d given him encouraging signs by holding his hand but I honestly didn’t see a way out.  Looking back I must have taken leave of my senses!

Roy had booked a table at a swanky Sloane Square restaurant for lunch. Apart from him playing footsie under the table, things settled down a bit and we chatted like we had on the phone.

Over pudding he told me he had a proposition for me. It went like this:

“I’m very happily married but my wife isn’t interested in sex. She lives in the country and I go to see her at weekends but during the week I’m in London on my own. I don’t want a long-term relationship with you but I’ve been looking for a mistress and I think you’d be perfect. Obviously you’d need to be discreet. You’ll come and see me once a week, we’ll have sex and I’ll pay for your train fare so you’re not out of pocket. How does that sound?”

How does that sound? The words rang in my ears. Had I heard him correctly?  For a moment or two I just sat there with my mouth open.

Suddenly I came to my senses, stood up, grabbed my bag and calmly told him this:

“I’ll tell you how it sounds but let me clarify what you’ve just said. You want me to give up a whole day of my life for you, a complete stranger, every week, so you can have sex with me. You don’t want a relationship but you’ll pay me twenty quid which technically would make me a prostitute.  I think the rates for hookers at Ipswich Docks are better than that and I could be there and back in an hour and not waste a whole day with you!”

As I walked out the door I heard him calling after me “I’d buy you lunch as well”!

So there you are. It seems I did have boundaries after all but at what point should I have left? Nowadays it would be the moment he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth at Liverpool Street Station!

He took advantage of my good nature to get what he wanted and, for the most part, I went along with it. I couldn’t believe that I’d been so stupid, but that doesn’t excuse him, because he shouldn’t have been behaving badly in the first place. I’m not saying that the situation was my fault, but I clearly didn’t make it obvious enough from the outset that his behaviour was unacceptable.

Your thoughts?

Advertisements

It’s not what you say, it’s the way you say it

 

 

I love to read men’s profiles. They’re a real insight into how useless some of them are at making themselves appeal to women.

Here are some corkers from HeBay:

 

“She’s got to like animals, especially dogs as I have two. They should also love good food and like to cook as I am total rubbish in the kitchen.” 

I’m a dreadful cook too. Fortunately my dog is a cordon bleu chef and is willing to do all the cooking.

 

“ihave changed my profile due to woman on here getting the wrong idea”

I’d love to know what was on it before, do tell.

 

“i dont mind big girls but if you cant fit into my plane lets not waste our time”

Oooh it’s just like Cinderella. The girl whose bum fits wins Prince Charming!

 

“Would one of you lot tell me where you buy your magic mirrors?? you know ones where you look at it and see gwenith paltrow looking back!!!”

In the same shop you bought your Gorge Clooney mirror from.

 

“I like to play bowels which I have done for the past 17 years.”

Aha! That would account for the painful looking expression on your profile pic.

 

i like to dress casual but will put a suite on if needed”

Why buy furniture if you can wear it?

“I live alone with my beautiful big dog.  Looking back I guess I’ve always had more affiliation with animals than girls”

…and looking forward that’s likely to continue. I hope you’ll be very happy together.

 

I don’t know anybody and I don’t have a social life”

That’s ok, I’ll introduce you to all my friends and take you to parties. If we go to your place we can just cuddle on the sofa with a dvd and a bottle of wine.

 

“I am very partial to a generous chest although many features can be attractive not least confidence and a smile.” 

You’re going to talk to my tits aren’t you?

 

“Not wantong anything serious just discreet meetings every now and then with no strings attached and marital status doesnt matter as long as your not a drama queen cause im not looking for trouble just some hot sex from time to time.” 

Translation: “I’m a married man looking for a bit on the side. I don’t want you turning up at my house and my wife finding out, I just want a shag when I feel like it.”

Anyone using the word “discreet” in their profile is married.

 

“if your name has a Z in it , dont bother unless your names Zoe, (or Zeena) ,” 

Aren’t you narrowing it down a bit? Would you consider a Zelda or a Zara?

 

“laugh an the world laughs with you,fart an your on your own. thought i,d add that as no one reads these. p,s i was jokeing with the above.apparantly some don,t get it.(yes i don,t do gammar or spelling,just humour….?)”

Actually I do read profiles. Yours had me ROFLing! I’m astounded that some women don’t understand  your humour. I can see that you don’t do grammar and spelling but you more than make up for it with your hilarious wit. (Note to self: must start telling more fart jokes).

 

If you’ve come across any smashers like this, do share, I’d love to hear them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Talk to the face cos the tits ain’t listening

I recently read an article about a man in New York who kept a detailed Excel Spreadsheet on the women he’d been out with. Stupidly, he showed it to one of his dates and she posted it all over the internet! Of course she did you silly man, I would have done too! http://deadspin.com/5902760/

While I wouldn’t advocate anyone creating anything like this to keep notes on dates, I have a traffic light system (red, amber, green) when I start dating someone. It remains in my head, not on a spreadsheet, and I don’t take a tick list  with me or type up the details when I get home! It’s just a way of noting something to myself if something doesn’t feel right and reinforces my values.

Green Light  = GO GO GO!

He looks exactly as he did on his profile.

I haven’t walked past him three times, looking for a 6’2” curly haired 45 year old only to be faced with a 5’3” wrinkly with no hair.

 

He has a good sense of humour.

He’s clean, polite, respectful and attentive.

His eyes never wander further down than my chin.

Nails and shoes are clean…a good indication of personal hygiene!

His aftershave isn’t masking something unsavoury.

He has good manners.

He doesn’t shovel his food or speak with his mouth full.

I feel comfortable in his company.

Nothing weird or wankery so far!

He’s trying to impress me…

but not in an “I can balance a dessert spoon on my nose” way.

I’m getting good vibes and feel really positive.

I like him! I may even fancy him! Things are looking up!

Amber Light = Uh-oh!

 These are things about him that I need to store away for further clarification. There are probably perfectly reasonable explanations but I’ll watch and learn!

He’s fibbed about his age, weight or height on his profile.

If he’s prepared to fib about these, what else will he lie about?  Age is tricky to gauge unless he’s taken 10 or more years off, but did he really think I wouldn’t notice his height, or that he’s 20 stone and not 12? Some men suffer from reverse anorexia, where they look in the mirror and think they’re thin!

The barman/waiter greets him like an old friend.

He could be a serial dater or he could be an old friend.

He keeps looking over his shoulder.

Possible explanations:

He’s an International Man of Mystery on a secret mission.

He’s scared one of his friends will see him and tease him.

He’s scared his wife/girlfriend will see him and kill him. (In the case of my ex serial-cheater boyfriend it was the latter).

His phone rings and he jumps out of his skin. He doesn’t answer it but takes it with him when he goes to the loo two minutes later.

He shouldn’t have it on when he’s on a date!

Something’s not quite right about him but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Proceed with caution.

He calls me “babe/baby/hun”.

I’m 53 and I have a nice name. Please use it.

He’s told me something that “doesn’t add up”.

I’ll store it away in my head for later regurgitation.

At the end of the evening he suggests going back to my place for coffee.

My definition of coffee=coffee. A man’s definition of coffee=sex.

I never tidy up before a date so that, even if I was tempted, the appalling squalor would stop me from taking anyone home!

Red Light  =  NO! NO! NO!

These are “deal-breakers” that compromise my “standards”. A red light isn’t always axe-murderer behaviour, but things that I’m absolutely NOT prepared to settle for.

He talks about his ex constantly on a first date.

He’s not over her.  A first date is for us to get to know each other, not to talk about the past. “I’m divorced” is enough information. If he can’t stop talking about her, he’s not finding out about ME! If he starts to cry when he talks about her RUN!

He forgets my name, or calls me by someone else’s name.

He’s probably married or seeing someone else.

He’s 55, still lives with his mother and keeps a photo of her in his wallet.

These guys are difficult to spot on HeBay. They only reveal their true selves when you meet. They’re usually fastidious about their appearance and are very clean but remember that their mother chooses their clothing and tends to dress them head to toe in drip dry beige. As he left the house this evening she will have spat on the corner of her hankie to clean his face. Why is this a red light? Mummy’s getting on a bit and he’s looking for a replacement.

His pet, Tigger, is a reptile.

Unless you’re a 10 year old, dogs and cats are normal pets, anything in a cage or tank isn’t.

Behaviour that will make me run for it at the quickest opportunity!

There’s no eye contact because he’s staring at my boobs, he has wandering hands, he’s drunk, he’s rude to me or someone else, he expects sex in return for dinner, he makes sexual innuendos, he’s smelly, he’s disrespectful in any other way, he tells me he’s married, he tells me he loves me.

 

We women can be unbelievably forgiving of bad behaviour. We have extraordinary powers of intuition but don’t always trust our instincts. We often brush off  this intuition as mild paranoia, but if your gut instincts are telling you that something is wrong, you’re probably right! I went out with someone once who shouted at the barman about two minutes into the date.  This should have been a red light but I put it down to him being nervous and flustered because he was a bit late!  His behaviour later on reinforced my instincts.

If someone is rude and disrespectful, you don’t have to be polite and accept their behaviour. If they don’t have the social skills or manners to behave, that’s their problem, but it’s absolutely right for you to leave if someone makes you feel threatened, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

I don’t always get it right of course, and I’ll be talking about dreadful dates in future posts.

Do you have your own Code of Behaviour?

6. Thanks But No Thanks

When I first started online dating, I would religiously write back to everyone who contacted me, even if I didn’t think they were for me, believing it was a polite thing to do. Not wanting to hurt people’s feelings, I’d send a courteous and sensitive reply saying that I’d enjoyed reading their profile but they lived too far away/didn’t share the same interests/weren’t my type.

These emails reminded me of the thank you letters my mother made me write after Christmas when I was a kid. Faced with a hideous hand knitted hat, a pac-a-mac and a pair of enormous knickers that I’d finally grow into in my twenties, I’d manage to write something so gracious that distant aunts would believe I’d been thrilled with their presents.

Although I’m often tempted to write back just to correct men’s spelling and grammar, I’m feeling a bit jaded nowadays and I’m afraid I rarely reply, particularly if it just says “hi” and their profile isn’t very interesting.  If they have put some effort into writing (they’ve written more than one sentence without including the words babe/hun/chick), I’ll send one back politely saying “thank you but no thank you”.

As gracious as my emails are, some men have taken exception to being turned down and I’ve received a few replies, like this one from HotCobra:

“No Worries hun, if you can’t hold a conversation ,then good luck , your loss ,Passion’s Fruit, cum’s to mind”

 

or this one from BigBoyDave:

 

“You think your so special. Well I thought you looked fat in your photo but I hoped it was just the angle it was taken from.”

 

Ouch BigBoy!!!  If anyone can enlighten me on what HotCobra’s talking about I’d love to know!

 

One of the “best” emails was one I received after a date.

Geoff had been looking at my profile on HeBay for weeks, but never emailed or nudged. Eventually I sent him a nudge because I thought he looked rather interesting.  After a week of nudging we played email pingpong for about two weeks. His emails were articulate, talking about his interests, places he’d been to etc. etc.

Finally he said that he’d like to meet up for a drink and “?”. I took that to mean “let’s have a drink and if we get on we’ll have dinner”.  He asked for my phone number and when he rang, we chatted for a while before arranging to meet at a local hotel bar.

The hotel is quite smart so I put on my favourite Paul Smith dress, not too tight, not revealing, and my beloved high heels.

Geoff was nice looking, well spoken and he looked clean. A little rotund perhaps, not my usual type, but not bad for a man in his 50s. He wasn’t 5’10” as he’d described on his profile which was a little disappointing as I towered over him in my heels, but I quite fancied him actually!

We drank G&Ts while he spoke about his job and asked intelligent questions about mine. We talked about our families, friends, places we’d travelled to. He seemed very nice and normal.

When I excused myself to go to the loo, he said “hurry back” but when I returned he seemed to change. He got fidgety and announced that he had to leave, he was tired. His exit was worthy of Steve McQueen in the Great Escape, I’ve never seen anyone move so quickly.

Possibly our wires were crossed. I was expecting dinner but I think he was expecting something else and realised he wasn’t going to get it. I rather suspect he may have had a backup plan and got a better offer while I was in the loo.

All dressed up, starving and with nowhere to go, I got KFC and returned home.

 

After two days I received this email:

“Thanks for Saturday evening. I enjoyed talking at you, cross examining you, possibly confusing you with schematics of [my job]! Most of all I remember trying not to stare at your magnificent bosom (it’s a guy thing).  I had to sleep on you so-to-speak!  

It’s like everything on the menu is good, but its so hard to make a decision …. “

 

Remembering my mother’s advice of “always say thank you even if you don’t like it”, this is the email I sent back:

 

“I too enjoyed Saturday evening. However, if I’d realised you just wanted to drool over my breasts I’d have worn a low-cut top so you could get a better look, and dispensed with the conversation. If you’d said you were only interested in me from the neck down I could easily have slipped a bag over my head. I kept crossing and uncrossing my legs so you could see up my skirt too, but maybe that was too subtle for you.

 Oh you men and the “guy thing”, that makes everything ok! In my limited experience most men keep those thoughts to themselves and don’t reveal them to a woman after one date, so I’m especially flattered that you decided to share them with me and not just with your male friends.

It must be really difficult to make a decision about whether or not you want to see someone again, especially when you haven’t been paying attention to their conversation. Again, thanks for sharing that with me. I’m touched that you’ve been trying to make up your mind about me for two whole days, and it’s really sweet that you’ve been thinking about me at all.  

 It seems that you still haven’t made up your mind and I’d love to say that I’ll just hang around until you do. In this case though, it’s not really your decision to make, since the dish of the day is off.

Rubarbs

PS. Following on with the hilarious menu analogy in your email, I was trying to take a sneaky peek at your packed lunch all evening, but it was hidden by your belly of pork. “

 

An overreaction? Maybe. Perhaps I have more in common with HotCobra and BigBoyDave than I thought. I was incensed though!  Geoff  turned out to be another numpty showing his true colours! Definitely a 10 on the Wanker Scale.

It seems to me that although men have a brain and a penis, for some there’s only enough blood to run one at a time.

5. How to e-woo a woman….

As discussed in my previous post, it can take weeks of email pingpong to get to a stage where you arrange a date.

A man’s first email would be an introduction, where he says a little about himself and perhaps what attracted him to you.  Using the analogy of meeting in a bar again, it’s the equivalent of him coming over to you and chatting you up.

Unfortunately some men who’ve emailed me are clueless about what to write, even on some of the more “discerning” websites.

Here are some tips on what not to write:

1. Talk about your favourite food.

“You look delicious! would love to have you for lunch.”

Wow thanks Hannibal. With fava beans and a nice chianti perhaps?

2. Compliment her on her looks.

“I have not had much luck on here and I have started to target what I consider plainer girls”.

I’m not sure what worries me most, that you think I’m plain or that you used the word “target”.

 

3. Compliment her figure.

“Hi Sweetie,Lovely pics of you! Did you know that you are sitting on a GIANT MUSHROOM!!”

!!

 

4. Cultivate an air of mystery.

“Betchya wanna see a picture? Well, maybe not but if you’re curious, I’ll put one up. Nothing special but then again nothing to frighten you or make you go yuck!”

I can’t think of anything I’d like more than to see a picture of you to go with your eloquent prose, although funnily enough I can conjure up your picture in my head!

 

5. Be self-deprecating

“I wanted to say “Hi” even if you were to take one look at me and fall onto your back with your legs in the air laughing uncontrollably saying to yourself “he’s got no chance!””

No you haven’t. That’s because your photo is of you asleep on a sofa, balancing a pint on your belly and with a worms eye view up your boxer shorts.

 

6. Talk about your pets

“i see u have a dog like me ive got a laso apso lovley like her dad lol how about a stoll by the sea the dogs can meat each like wise over a chat and a drink or what ever u would like so hope to hear from u soon lol xxx”

I don’t have a dog like you. I have a dog similar to your dog. I don’t think they would have much to chat about over a drink, even if they were to “meat” while you and I have a “stoll”.

 

7. Check your spelling, especially with one-liners.

“hi u lok lovey”

Yes I am a bit of a drama queen at times, especially when I’ve had two late nights in a row.

 

8. Try to sound as normal as possible.

“Here in the surroundings of the Andes-mountains there are very few people I can thrust ,in spite ot the fact they talk a lot of “God” and “Bible” ans so on … don’t be afraid, I’m not the kind of person looking out on bothering you somehow, by sending you this “wink” I just wanted to show you apreciation, and sympathy.”

You’re probably quite harmless but I am ever-so-slightly afraid.

 

 9. Talk about where you’d take her for a first date.

“we will just do wot comes natural like goin to the pub,, or the next best thing………lol lol”

What comes natural is that we will never meet!

 

“if we get on an the vibes r right we will have a riot!! if not hasta la vista baby.”

Sorry Arnie, I won’t be back.

 

“Pie and a pint and think yourself lucky. Don’t want to be out of pocket if we don’t hit it off.”

Don’t forget to bring your club so you can hit me with it and drag me back to your cave.

 

“Meet up at a recommended dog-friendly pub, have a short walk and a meal.”

A walk and Winalot?  I’m wagging my tail just thinking about it!

10. State what you’re looking for in a relationship.

“aint got many interests these days, i aint got time, i go to work, come home, sort animals, feed me, wish i had a cuddle but go to bed alone. im a bloke if i get wrong tell me, if you dont tell me i’ll assume ive got it right & probably do it some more”

I bet your house is down a track, in the woods. Please read your email again, then ask yourself why you go to bed alone.

 

“looking for a nice lady that when you are apart from you cant wait to be next to and see again she must have no hang ups and who is definetly looking for longterm and not someone who will mess my head up again ( lol )”

Yes I was lolling too!

 

“To be up front about it, I have messaged users looking for sex. This will put you off I’m sure. However, its not the be all and end all. The urge happens from time to time.” 

Yes you’re quite right, it did put me off! I too get the urge from time to time but I don’t email strangers asking  for sex. I find a bar of chocolate and watching Embarrassing Bodies puts the dampers on it!

 

“Without appearing to be rude, may I ask you not contact me if you are financially strapped, thank you. Conversely, if you are very financially stable, then I am sure that I could make the transformation into being a kept man, lol.” 

Ok, I won’t contact you. Not because I’m financially strapped but because you’re an idiot. lol.

 

These are all excerpts from emails I’ve received, from freebie sites to those run by broadsheet newspapers!

4. Proper v. online dating…..

Like me, I’m sure you’ve bought things online. It saves time and effort and you can do it in your armchair, wearing your dressing gown and sipping a G&T. It doesn’t always go to plan though.

Needing something for a party this Saturday, you browse the internet for hours before you find a little black dress modelled by Elizabeth Hurley.  It’s nipped in at the waist, cut low to reveal a neat décolletage and just above the knee, showing off her shapely legs.  Believing that it will look equally chic on you, you send off for it.

When it does finally arrive on Saturday you rip open the package, but far from the stylish little black number you saw online, it’s made of material like a tea towel and the seams are coming undone. As it’s now 7pm, you have nothing else to wear, and you’re hoping that tonight may be your lucky night, you dash upstairs to put it on.

The dress looks nothing like it did on Elizabeth Hurley, the only similarity being the safety pins holding the seams together. It’s baggy on the bum, too tight on the tits, and it cuts across the middle of your calves making your legs look like tree trunks. There are deodorant marks under the arms but you’ve expended so much energy trying to get into it, you’re not going to take it off again. You rick your neck trying to grapple with the zip and follow this with the mother of all hot flushes. Standing by the freezer with the door open for half an hour to cool off, you try not to think of the vision of Liz H. You look at your dishevelled self in the mirror and think “that will have to do”.

You really wish you’d made the effort to go into town and try the dress on properly in a changing room, so that you could see what it looked like, whether it fitted and what it was made of. You may even have found something even better, not in your usual style but that looked fabulous when you tried it on.

Meeting someone in a conventional way is a bit like proper shopping. Imagine yourself as a single woman at a bar/club/party one evening. You look up and see a rather handsome man watching you from the other side of the room.  He’s not your usual type, but there’s something about him that you find attractive. You make eye contact, look away and make eye contact again. He smiles and you smile back. This goes on for a little while before he plucks up the courage to come over and talk to you. He offers you a drink and you chat for a while.

He has a gorgeous smile and he smells delicious. He’s well-spoken, interesting and confident. His hair is combed, his shoes are polished and his nails are clean. He laughs at your witty anecdotes and tells you that he too adores Girls Aloud and Dusty Springfield. Eventually you have to go, but before you do he asks for your phone number and tells you he’ll call…..

Internet dating is much more like online shopping. You’re choosing from pictures and you’ve no idea what the person is really like until you actually meet him.  His photos could be twenty years old and, although he’s told you he’s 6’1″, that’s on tiptoes, wearing built up shoes and standing on a box!

One evening you’re browsing Hebay for hours and you find a reasonable looking man. His photographs look ok, he can spell and he has no peculiar hobbies (that he’s admitting to). A little message appears on your screen telling you that he has also looked at your profile. He sends you a “nudge” which tells you that he has looked at you and might be interested. You nudge him. He nudges you back. You nudge him again.

A week later you get an email from him saying “Hi” (nothing else, just “Hi”). You write back the next day, telling him that you’d enjoyed reading his profile, and you tell him a bit about yourself in a few paragraphs.

Three days later he replies in two sentences, one telling you a little about him (his name, age and marital status) and the other asking “how is your week so far?”. (This is a question many men ask frequently. I’m sure it’s in the Hebay “What to Write to Women” manual, along with “walking on a windy beach” and “cuddling up on the sofa with a dvd and bottle of wine”.  Tempting as it is to reply “nothing much” which is probably more truthful, I usually make something up, giving the impression that my social life is more hectic than Paris Hilton’s.)

This goes on for weeks, his sentences gradually becoming a paragraph, and you running out of interesting things to reply to his question about your week. It’s a bit like pulling teeth but you persevere, because compared to the other profiles you’ve seen, his is actually ok.

After six weeks of email pingpong, and at the point of losing the will to live, you pluck up the courage to email him your phone number. He writes back with enthusiasm, telling you that he’s been wanting to ask for your number, but has been too shy to do so. Now he can’t wait to talk!  This email is positively encouraging and contains three paragraphs! You’re practically excited!

He says he will call you on Wednesday….. he doesn’t…..he texts you on Saturday saying he’s been busy and he will call you on Sunday…..