Manners Maketh a Man

As I’ve said before, my mother instilled good manners into me at an early age. That goes for dating too. I’m not just talking about “elbows off the table” and “don’t speak with your mouth full” type manners. I’m talking about consideration and respect for another person.

Women will also bend over backwards to make themselves presentable for an evening out. Men however, are a different matter. To be frank, if you turn up late, looking like an extra from Grizzly Adams, she’s going to wonder whether you could be bothered to make an effort in a relationship, and write you off before you even started.

Here are some tips for men on first date etiquette. She just might be the girl of your dreams so you’ll need to impress her. Even if she’s not, you’ll go right up in her estimations and give her hope that there are decent men out there if you put in some effort! She might even have a friend she’d introduce you to, but not if you have no manners and look like an old vagrant!

1. Send her a text in the morning along the lines of “looking forward to seeing you later”. Not essential but a nice thing to do. If nothing else at least she’ll know you’re planning on turning up!

2. Make an effort with your appearance. I’ve had a few dates with men who were smelly and dishevelled (if only HeBay had a smell-o-meter). Women invest time getting themselves ready and looking good. You need to do the same. Putting a jacket on as you leave the house is not the same as getting yourself ready. In case you’re really clueless here is what you should do:


Make sure your nails are clean and short. I work in a job that makes mine filthy and if I can manage to clean them, so can you!

Get rid of hair that shouldn’t be there. I’m talking ears and noses. It looks disgusting and if you need a Flymo to cut it, you’ve left it waaaay too long. I once spent the evening with a man whose ear hair was longer than the hair on his head. Actually he could have tied it in a knot on top  for an instant toupee!

Decide what you’re going to wear and wash your clothes. Yes, even the ones that don’t show! A sniff under the armpit or crotch of something you’ve been wearing for two months and a “that’ll do” isn’t good enough.

Clean your shoes. My mother was right, you can tell a lot about a man by his shoes! If the eyes are the windows to the soul, shoes are the windows to general cleanliness!

Just before you go out:

Have a shower. Yes I know you had one this morning/last week/three months ago but it’s time for another one! If you’re going on a date straight from work, freshen up at least and put on a clean shirt.

Shave. Three day stubble makes you look like a tramp, not a rock star! If the date goes well she might want to give you a kiss goodnight. Believe me, she won’t want to kiss you if you could sand the floor with your face!

Put on aftershave (it’s designed to make you smell nice and desirable, not to mask nasty niffs)! Oh and please don’t use Lynx, you’re not a spotty adolescent and it smells cheap and disgusting.

Put on clean clothes. No, not the ones in a ball on your bedroom floor, I mean the freshly laundered ones.

Comb your hair.

3. Don’t be late, better still get there a few minutes early. For a woman there’s nothing worse than standing round waiting for someone and looking like a lemon. If you’re stuck in traffic, call her. If she can be there on time so can you and if you can’t even manage it on a first date, it doesn’t bode well for any future ones. Unless you’ve called, my waiting time is 10 minutes and then I’m gone.

4. Attraction can take time to grow. Chances are she won’t look like Demi Moore or Sharon Stone. If she doesn’t, try not to look as though you’ve just been introduced to the Bride of Frankenstein.

5. She has a head and that’s where the talking, looking and listening comes from. You might be ok with a woman who stares at your crotch all evening but she isn’t comfortable with a man who stares at her breasts and can’t make eye contact. Keep the eyes above the neck!

6. Don’t drink too much.

7. Pay for the drinks and/or dinner. You asked her on the date, you pay! There’s nothing worse than a scuffle over the bill and if you pay it will show her you’re generous and that you may be interested in her. She’ll return the favour another time. On this note, paying for dinner doesn’t mean sex back at her place afterwards. No decent woman will have sex with a man just because he’s paid for her meal, that’s prostitution!

8. At the end of the evening, if you’re not interested or need to think about it, kiss her on the cheek and thank her for a lovely evening. DON’T tell her you’ll call. If you tell her you’ll call, she’ll think you’re interested and that’s not fair if you’re not.

9. If you’re interested, DO tell her you’ll call, and make sure you do the next day! We all know about the three day rule but let’s cut to the chase here. Men are biologically wired to pursue and women like to be pursued. The ball’s in your court and she’s not going to call you! If you’re interested, let her know…she’ll be flattered. Unless she’s Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, she’s not going to book the wedding on the basis that you called her the next day!

10. Women won’t sit by their telephones waiting for you to call. However, it’s polite and considerate to let her know if you don’t want to see her again. You should tell her by text the next day, she’ll know where she stands, and she can get on with her week with no hard feelings.  Oh and if she texts you and says she doesn’t want to see you again, just take it on the chin, it’s not the end of the world. Texting back along the lines of “fuck off then you stuck-up cow” is just nasty. She was just being polite!

Guys who have a “can’t be arsed” attitude towards dating go right down in my estimations. I really do believe that the internet dating world would be a much nicer place if people were more honest and showed more consideration and respect to each other.

6 thoughts on “Manners Maketh a Man

  1. I agree with everything you said – it comes down to basic respect and thoughtfulness… hopefully it goes both ways!!
    I am sure even some men have had their fair share of “late/no show, ungroomed/smelly dates” you would imagine that these “timely tips on manners” would be a “given” – sadly we know differently!!! 😦
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • You’re right, it does go both ways and I know men who’ve had some horrors too. I really do think that because people are looking online, it’s as though they’re not dealing with “real” people and forget there’s a person at the end of the broadband line.

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